The Easy Sin of Gossip

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29

What is gossip?

Our relationships and care for one another are fundamental characteristics of our brotherhood.^[1] We value meeting and greeting, inquiring about mutual friends or relatives, and sharing concerns in the form of prayer requests. However, along with this God-ordained desire for connection is the temptation to get carried away and share unnecessary or unhelpful details, perhaps even details that we are not authorized to disclose. Casually sharing others’ sensitive information without their consent is gossip.

Since gossip does not cause physical harm to person or property, this sin is sometimes dismissed as “not a big deal.” However, the Bible compares gossip to wood that feeds the fires of strife^[2] and to wounds that “go down into the innermost parts of the belly.”^[3] Gossip is mentioned alongside the sins of theft and murder.^[4] In other words, the sin of gossip is harmful and should have no place in the life of a Christ-follower.

Is slander different from gossip? Gossip is a sin because we are sharing someone’s personal business out of impure motives, but the details shared might be true. Slander is a type of gossip that involves false information and causes lasting damage, even if we didn’t know the information was inaccurate. Slander can ruin reputations and relationships and is the subject of the commandment not to be a “false witness against thy neighbour.”^[5]

The line between gossip and pertinent news is murky and requires discernment to define. After all, some news is truly relevant and will not cause harm if shared. Other concerns may be communicated out of a pure desire for prayer and counsel. So how can we know if information is news or gossip? Some clues may be present. For example, is the conversation occurring in hushed tones? Did the exchange begin with a phrase like, “Did you hear?” or “I probably shouldn’t say anything, but …” or “I’m not sure if this is public yet?” These red flags could tip us off that a conversation may not be headed in a healthy direction. Ultimately, detecting gossip comes down to understanding motivations, which requires Spirit-led discernment.

Why do we gossip?

Like many sins, gossip often feels “good” in the moment, in a worldly sense, but why? Insecurity may be one reason. Imagine that in a...

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...season of low self-esteem, a well-liked person lets you in on some big news that you maybe should not know. You suddenly feel included, like you belong to an intimate group. Maybe your feelings say, “Wow, this is great. They must think I am better than that person if they are sharing these details with me. I am included and that person isn’t.” You may reciprocate with gossip of your own, to help seal your status of belonging. You may be tempted to spread the information to a new person or group, so that more people know that you are an important person with interesting things to say.

Now imagine the perspective of a person with an over-inflated ego who may feel that others are beneath them. The person may say: “Can you believe what she did?” or “I would never do something like that.” This person may share gossip to solidify their place as “superior” by revealing ways that others have failed. At other times, gossip may act as a way to fill in the gaps of a conversation that has stalled. When no other topics come to mind, talking about people is sometimes the easiest option.

Gossip is a struggle for both men and women. Consider the slanderous behavior that King Saul and his allies directed toward David.^[6] A man may feel threatened by respect shown to a subordinate or accolades obtained by a perceived rival. Gossip is a snare that can tempt us all.

Why does it matter?

No matter how trustworthy we believe our confidant to be, we lose control of where someone’s information travels the moment it leaves our mouths, and that is the point at which hurt often originates. Galatians 6:2 instructs us to “Bear ye one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Yet, when a person realizes that we shared their personal information, the person will be wounded and may wonder if they could ever trust another Christian with their burdens. The relationship will be broken, and our Christian witness will be shattered.^[7] The biggest winner in this situation is the enemy of our souls who delights in division and darkness. If we are sharing second or thirdhand information, we are links in a dangerous chain and are adding logs to the fire. Of course, if serious concerns are present about a brother or sister, those concerns should be shared, and the Word lays out a process for bringing sensitive situations to light in a God-honoring way, led by love and prayer.^[8]

What can we do?

Start with love! Let’s pray that we may love our brothers and sisters as Jesus does. James 3 states that the tongue is a fire that no man can tame,[9] but while men cannot bridle the tongue, the Holy Spirit can. If we desire to be bound together by our love for Christ and to reflect his love, grace, and truth, the first steps are to acknowledge our sin before God and to pray for our hearts to be filled with his wisdom. We can ask our loved ones to hold us accountable if they notice conversation turning toward gossip. Also, we can determine the reason why gossip is happening and work to develop an alternative habit. For example, if we gossip because we enjoy sharing information about people, we could try sharing positive, encouraging information instead.[10] If chattering about others functions to fill a lull in conversation, we could, rather, practice being more comfortable with silence.^[11] Permitting silence may also allow us to do more listening and to take more time before speaking.^[12] 

Gossip does not only happen in person. In our digital age we are often communicating via text, email, or social media. While these channels present their challenges in terms of preserving godly, effective communication, they also offer the important opportunity for us to pause before we hit “send.” Do we need to share this text or post that photo? If we are unsure, then firstly, it is probably safer not to send, but also, we can pray Psalm 139:23. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts.” God will be faithful to hear our prayers and will grant wisdom to repel ungodly impulses. Heavenly wisdom is pure, merciful, and free of partiality or hypocrisy.^[13] Praise God that he has the power to transform our wicked hearts and tongues into bearers of his praise and glorification.

[1] ACCA Guiding Principle D

[2] Proverbs 28:20

[3] Proverbs 18:8

[4] 1 Peter 4:15

[5] Exodus 20:16

[6] Psalm 31:13; 1 Samuel 24:9

[7] James 1:26

[8] Matthew 18:15-17

[9] James 3:6, 8

[10] Romans 12:21

[11] Proverbs 17:27-28

[12] James 1:19

[13] James 3:17