Marriage by Faith

October 20, 2023

“And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge.”1

Sometimes a word or phrase that served well in time past takes on a meaning all its own, different than what was originally meant. For some, “marriage by faith” may be one of those phrases that implies more than was ever intended. It also may be set aside by some because of such distortions. Yet, it is a noble sentiment and a godly ideal.

In all things, followers of Jesus are to walk by faith and not by sight. The letter to the Hebrews reminds us that by faith we believe that God created the things that we see from that which is not seen.2 The Apostle Paul reminds us that whatever we do contrary to faith is sin.3 Jesus teaches that our primary responsibility is to believe that he is the bread of life sent by God.4 The life of a Christian must be guided by faith in all things, and this certainly includes the decision of whether to marry, and if so, who to marry.

The human heart is deceitful.5 God has created us with feelings and emotions. They are wonderful aspects of human experience and often carry wisdom within them. However, trusting in feelings alone is not a reliable means of sorting out the future and can easily lead us down the same path that took Samson to Delilah, so “in love” that nothing would persuade him to reconsider. Desiring Bathsheba, David committed adultery and ordered murder.6 As we approach a decision to marry, we must be aware that our own heart is also deceitful and cannot be relied upon without careful discernment.

Virtually every marriage is begun in the faith that it will be mutually beneficial until death. When one considers how little we know about the future and how little we know about how we or our spouse will change over the years, it becomes apparent that all marriages are “marriage by faith.” However, we want to be guided by an informed faith built on the rock, not a blind faith built on sand.

So, what do we mean when we encourage believers who desire marriage to pursue “marriage by faith?”

Perhaps we can start with what we do not mean. We do not mean seeking or relying solely on signs, ignoring our emotions and feelings, or disregarding the practical elements of whether we are sufficiently prepared for a marriage relationship. Nor do we mean we do not ask probing questions about ourselves or a potential spouse to understand whether we are mutually prepared to honor God in marriage. We do not mean that all should seek marriage. Sometimes exercising faith in the question of marriage means remaining single. According to the Apostle Paul, this is better and more honorable.7

What we do mean is that we are guided by our faith and trust in God and the principles of his Word as we approach the decision to marry and discern whom to marry. One of our Guiding Principles (GP E) captures the key elements of biblical discernment, stating that we apply spiritual discernment to our daily decisions based on God’s word, prayer, the Holy Spirit’s direction, and godly counsel from fellow believers. If we do this in daily decisions, how much more should we apply these same inputs as we consider and seek a lifelong commitment to marriage! Doing so, we can move forward with faith that is grounded on solid reasons to marry or not to marry.

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Prayer is the foundation of all discernment. It brings us into a humble position before God, opening our heart and mind to his spirit and his word. It often reveals what we are already thinking but may not recognize until we put it into words. Prayer that acknowledges our need for the Lord’s guidance is an expression of faith that He can guide us in decision-making because we are willing to listen to his guidance and subject the feelings of our heart to his instruction.

Holy Spirit’s Direction: Confidence in the Holy Spirit enables us to trust his ability to guide our thoughts. Knowing that the devil brings temptation through our thoughts emphasizes the need to be filled with the Holy Spirit in all we do. This is even more important in big decisions. Knowing the voice of the Shepherd is critical in making choices that are for our long-term spiritual benefit and aligned with the will of God. This does not mean the Lord will reveal specifically whom to marry. Although he has done that for some, for many he leaves it as a decision made in faith, not sight.

God’s Word: What does the Bible say about choosing a mate? Although we have the example of how God revealed Rebecca to Abraham’s servant and the faith that they both had to return to the tent of Isaac sight unseen, we also have the example of the daughters of Zelophehad. “This is the thing which the LORD doth command concerning the daughters of Zelophehad, saying, ‘Let them marry to whom they think best; only to the family of the tribe of their father shall they marry.’”8 God gave them permission to marry whom they thought best, but restricted them to marry within their own tribe. Similarly, we are taught by the Apostle Paul not to be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. While this applies far beyond the marriage relationship, it certainly applies directly to the yoke of marriage. In these examples, we see that sometimes the Lord gives direct instruction on who to marry and sometimes he leaves it up to the individual, but within boundaries.

Godly counsel: If we have inadvertently followed our emotions and perhaps had our mind clouded a bit, seasoned believers can bring us back to reality. If we have been grasping for “signs” to validate a direction we already want to go, godly counsel can help us avoid self-deception. If we are unprepared for the responsibilities of marriage, those close to us can help us see potential areas of growth before we make that lifelong commitment. The accountability provided by fellow believers and shepherds can save us from all manner of difficulties if we are willing to receive counsel. Although it may be easier to ask peers for advice, such counsel best comes from those with experience and wisdom.9

If we consider how the Lord instructs husbands and wives, many of whom were married because it was arranged by their parents, we find that one of the most important elements of marriage is commitment. If we have the faith to commit our life to another, then that commitment can and should prompt us to choose to function together following the model of Christ and the church. When we love and serve one another following the pattern of the Lord and the church, we find that marriage is mutually joy-giving and enduring.

Every experience is unique. Some have received direct guidance from above while others have found themselves making a choice like the daughters of Zelophehad. By faith, relying on the Word, prayer, the Holy Spirit's direction, and godly counsel, all can be well-prepared for lifelong commitment.

This article was taken from the November 2023 Silver Lining where you can find additional interesting and inspiring content.

1 2 Peter 1:5

2 Hebrews 11:3

3 Romans 14:23

4 John 6:29

5 Jeremiah 17:9

6 2 Kings 11:2

7 1 Corinthians 7:38

8 Numbers 36:6

9 1 Kings 12:6-15

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Alway thankful

October 21, 2026

As we approach the end of fall and the harvest season, we often focus our attention on Thanksgiving Day. We are fortunate to live in a land that recognizes the need to pause and give thanks to our great God for the many blessings he bestows upon us. However, the Bible calls us to be thankful in all times and circumstances – not just once a year. “O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good.” [i] “In every thing give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” [ii] These two verses are similar and yet can be interpreted differently if quoted in isolation. Thanking God for his goodness seems an easy commandment to obey; however, some circumstances are more difficult to appreciate. Giving thanks or being thankful is referenced over one hundred times in scripture. And naturally it can seem easier to give thanks when circumstances are pleasing. It is easier to thank God when a loved one repents. It is easier to thank him when we are sitting in church, listening to his Word, worshipping in song, surrounded by faithful believers. It is easier to recite 1 Thess. 5:18 when the trials of life are light and well-spaced. But what happens when life is not going well, circumstances seem impossible, or difficulties seem to pile up? Can we have thankful posture in dire situations or through sad experiences? It is clear in the Bible that by God’s grace and with intentional effort, we can have a thankful spirit and respect toward God even when the load is heavy. Scriptures in Job provide an excellent Old Testament example. After hearing a series of devastating reports about his family and possessions, Job was able to say “The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” [iii] After being struck with sore boils from the sole of his foot to his crown and having been ridiculed by his wife for retaining his integrity, Job said “Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?” [iv] Job did not minimize the pain of the evil he was experiencing, but in the midst of the devastation he focused his attention on the goodness and faithfulness of God. Likewise, the disciples in the New Testament were often faced with seemingly insurmountable obstacles as they spread the Word of God. Yet they looked upon their afflictions as a privilege. After being beaten and commanded to not speak in the name of Jesus, “They departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name.” [v] At the same time, when Stephen was stoned, they grieved deeply at the devastating loss, yet trusted in God’s grace and goodness to see them through and somehow redeem the worst of circumstances. -----------------CONTINUED PORTION BELOW-------------------- Remembering the Lord's graciousness and track record of bringing good out of evil can help us maintain a thankful heart despite the challenges we face. Whether amidst hard circumstances or easy, we can focus on the goodness and faithfulness of God. Without intentional focus, we can tend to overlook gratitude when life is good because the very simple and basic needs of life are so easily realized. An abundance of material blessings can lead us to take basic needs for granted. However, being grounded in a thankful spirit can help carry us when sometimes things do not seem abundant. Simple disciplines or practices can help us foster this thankful spirit. Taking the time to pause and write a list of all we have received from God, giving him thanks for his goodness can help us turn from an entitled mindset toward a thankful mindset. Remembering God's goodness can be especially helpful when life is hard. The practice of gratitude journaling helps us remain focused on God above all during these overwhelming times. Beyond the physical needs that can be so easy to count, he also provides many spiritual blessings. In time of need, he provides us with an abundance of grace that gives us love we do not deserve and helps us serve him in ways far beyond what we could do of our own ability. God’s wisdom and his compassion assure us that he will provide for all our needs, and yet he will also withhold what is harmful if we will allow him to do so. He knows our needs and in his infinite wisdom he will supply all our needs. A practice of worshipping God can also help grow our spiritual life and encourage grateful hearts. God’s truths can be engraved into our minds as we sing and praise him, no matter the circumstances. In addition, our church body encourages us to connect, travel, and grow together as believers, helping one another during both joyous and hard times in life. This spiritual connection with others is a spiritual blessing that can easily be forgotten. Finally, many of us have been born into families where we were taught the truth of God’s Word, being exposed since we were young to the promise of salvation through Jesus Christ and the knowledge of our great and loving God whom we can call Father. This thankful spirit is often born out of knowing the Father, whose image we carry. Having a clear vision and understanding of God’s character and attributes can help us develop a thankful spirit. Among the many reasons to thank God are his power, his grace, and his mercy. We thank him for the love he showed when he sent his only begotten son, allowing us to have forgiveness of our sins and victory over death through repentance, confession, and faith in his name. He provides his Word, giving us a perfect source of wisdom and direction for our lives. His Holy Spirit provides believers with comfort, conviction, and guidance toward all truth. In addition, there are many other attributes of God to consider such as his goodness, presence, sustenance, protection, and many more. The implications for our lives of the many attributes in this list, which could be much longer, are beyond human comprehension but worth contemplating more deeply as we practice a life of gratitude. Whether you are in a joyous time of life or a time when life is difficult, may the remembrance of these many truths provide a new understanding to the Scripture’s challenge to, “In every thing, give thanks.” [vi] May this Thanksgiving holiday remind you of our great and good God, the loving sacrifice of Jesus, and the faithful presence of the Holy Spirit who has come to guide us not only in the good, but also in the difficult of life. And may this testimony of thankfulness greatly affect our own lives and the lives of those around us. [i] Psalm 107:1 [ii] I Thess. 5:18 [iii] Job 1:21 [iv] Job 2:10 [v] Acts 5:41 [vi] I Thess. 5:18